Three seconds*

Going to normal college and taking normal classes is driving me INSANE! I don't care when Italy became known as Italy. I want to make opening sequences and pick music to play during the important parts of fictional characters lives. And not have to rant about books, scripts, and movies that have been ruined because they didn't hire me! Damn it!

Yes, I can ask you if you want to see Harry Potter, but I can't tell you how to make it look like a tornado is about to rip your house out of the ground. And yeah, sure, I can write and present a speech with a fever and get a B, but I have never given a pep talk before filming the first scene of a project.

I don't care about statistics or economics. I don't want to learn how to ask for a pen in German. I just want to make a movie that I can be proud of and that my friends will enjoy. One that they don't have to lie when they tell me the like it. I want to make a movie they adore. I want to create characters they love with a soundtrack that kiss ass. I want the opening credits to make your jaw drop. And I want the end credits and music to be so good you stay until the very end. (Which I will then reward you for by having an extra clip when it's over.)

*This is how far away I am from dropping out of KSU. I'm frustrated. I love the people at this school, but I want to study film, not the theory of film. I want a camera in my hands and editing software on my computer. I want a script in my bag and a pen nearby to make edits.

EDIT: Just looked at my horoscope for today (Sunday).

Although today may be your day off, you still retain a strong desire to know where you are heading in your chosen profession. Your general career path may be the topic of a hot discussion now. But don't try to reach any final decisions or make a detailed action plan for what comes next. Instead, just give yourself the physical and metaphysical space to dream as big as you can, because nearly anything is possible. The greatest limitations at this time will arise from within your own mind.

Fireworks

These past weeks have been interesting. Stressing out over school, thinking about the next year, wondering if I'll ever get to study film, making new friends, seeing harry potter. It's been a busy time. But I am enjoying myself. I do know that I want to be here until September. After that I don't know what will happen. It really depends on what happens between now and then.

New semester

School started today. I kept thinking it was going to be different from UWG, but KSU is still just a school. I do like the room I was in today. If I get the same seat the rest of the semester that will be nice.

I only had one class today. Computers and your world. ("Not my world. Your world is different from my world. I'm an old fart." - R. Shaver) It was good. We can't have our computers on during class, but other than that it should be great. We watched a youtube video, heard a really good joke, and heard Shaver cuss. Five times. In two minutes. It should be a good semester with this class.

Tomorrow I have three classes. French - I can't use English properly so this should be interesting. History - In the first email the professor sent out he called himself an idiot. Who knows how this will go? And Public speaking - I've taken a similar class before so this shouldn't be too terrible.

I'll let you know how things go.

I did try

Warning: I am extremely vague in this post. You can just skip down to the good news I posted.

I did the one thing I wanted to avoid. In a way, I did two things. Neither favorable. I told someone. That's the second thing. The first is who I told. The one person I know for a fact is off having a blast far away from whatever might be happening in their life.

I did try to keep it in, but they were online and today... today was notsome and I let it get to me. I wanted to let this person have their fun and not bother them with something stupid. Clearly, I failed. And then I ran. Not actual running. I just sort of... closed the page. I am such a child. I should "go back" but I really didn't want to say anything. Ugh! I am so mad at myself for this. What I think makes it worse is that we aren't even close. I would like us to be, but not because of something like this! It's my own fault, really. Like most things.

They did say they were in a dream world. Not now, but when they had to be around a similar thing. The only problem is that I handled (or, more appropriately, didn't handle) Josh's death by doing that. I just started getting things back to normal. Going back would kill me. Not a very good dream world, is it?

The good news of the day: I did beat Bayonetta this morning. And I noticed a pattern forming. The two games I've beaten are Bayonetta and Batman. Things they have in common? Well, B's. And characters wearing tight black leather. What does this say about me?

Do you ever...?

Do you ever consider authors you have met to be your friends?

I do. And I wonder if it's weird.

Monday hurt

My blood pressure way doing some freaky things that made my head hurt the entire day. It got so bad at one point that I started to cry when my sister sent me a text message. When my mom got home from work and my sister from school I went in to my parents room to talk with them. I really wanted some coffee and my sister has one of those Starbucks frappuccino bottle things in the fridge so I was hoping she would let me have it and just buy her a new one when I didn't want to decapitate myself. So I went in my room and grabbed my change jar and went back into the room with them. Kim asked how much change I had and my reply was "This. I had more but Obama took it all." Now, don't get me wrong Obama is whatever. I don't care about Obama. But my head hurt and I knew my mom would get a kick out of it. (She laughed for a while so I was right.) And in the ten minute conversation that followed I cussed a few times. (Not something I do very often.)

why am I telling you this? I don't really know. Maybe, I want to share something that most people wouldn't. I am a private person. (Said the girl with two blogs, a few youtube channels, twitter, and tumbler.) It is a moment that I got to forget that my head might explode and just be. And then my head exploded. Okay, that didn't happen. I went with my dad to the store and got a coffee. It didn't help any, but it was good.

I made some scrambled eggs later and that stopped it long enough to fall asleep.

Gah! What now?!

I am driving 285 and this silver charger jumps in between me and the jeep behind me. He stays on my ass for a few miles so I try to wave him off. I think this is when he honked at me. A few miles later he goes passed me, honking. So I honk back (b/c he was like three feet from my car!). And then he flashes his lights. Not his head lights. His cop lights. A damn police officer pushed me down 285. (Once he passed me he went speeding off.)

I get to Carrollton and all the traffic lights are out. The power went out just before I drove through town.

Hit me, baby, one more time

EDIT: I removed my description of the accident. I may add it when this is settled


Britney Spears came on my iPod on the Friday drive home from U of Hell. But that isn't why I used that lyric for the title.

Today, I was hit. Car to car contact. The cops finally showed up. We told them what had happened and ended up filling out a page for our insurance.

And then it was over.

My sister and I got some pizza. I dropped her off and went to see my old high school's production of Guy and Dolls.

Wait. That would be a lame post if I cut if off here so I will continue. I'll take a page from John Green and call this "After".

In the car on the way there I started freaking out. Not major freakage but I suddenly felt everything. I was scared and nervous. It was like I had been caught doing something when I was five. My hands were shaking when the show started so I went and bought a cookie (well, two. one was for Patrick, who was sitting with me). For some reason I thought sugar would help. It didn't but it didn't hurt either. After intermission (which for some odd reason I keep calling half time) Patrick went and sat with one of our friends and I stayed put. This, oddly enough, is what I think helped me. Don't get me wrong, I love Patrick, but just sitting there by myself and just... sit made me feel more calm. I had barely been alone since the accident and I needed to... deal.

This did not, however, help me with my growing fear of car accidents. It's too bad I don't have to write anymore "cultural events" for my M&G class. This would have been perfect for that assignment.

Hello Lovely

So... I have been blogging over on my old old old myspace. Sorry about cheating on you. School is over very soon and I have to admit that this makes me happy. Insanely happy. Not just because it means no school for two months. Oh no. That would suggest that I am average. Nothing about me is average. Remember that. I am happy because May 6th is the VERY last day I am going to be at this school. I NEVER EVER EVER have to come back! feel the excitement! Feel it!! It is new harry potter book exciting. Its meet your favorite actor/actress exciting. Its forget how to spell exciting exciting. (really. I only got it right on the first try for that last one. its not a difficult word!) This is why I am happy. It is to the point where I laugh at anything. I'm just so... happy. If someone started singing that song (you know the one) I would clap.

I really should get to bed now. I have stuff to do and plan tomorrow that I can't put off.

Oh! one more thing. I know what has to be my first tattoo. "Proud" in some font that I will pick out later. It would go on my wrist.

On June 13th, 2008 I wrote

"Life. It happens. Always has, always will. You have a past and it may have faults. Life is a thing that comes and goes so quickly that you have to jump on board and take the ride of... well, your life."

I have to admit something here. I did not jump. I thought I did, but here I am sitting (I'm not actually sitting, mind you) on this platform, waiting. I am done waiting. I am going to skip around for a bit to get my legs nice and warmed up and then I am going to jump.

Hey

Remember when I used to post blogs. Yeah. Those were the days.

I just posted my first (i think) comment on Hayley's blog. You know. Hayley G. Hoover. She is amazing and I know that when I am having a bad bay something she has said will make me laugh. So she asked the readers to answer a few questions. Since she always manages to come through for me I figured it wouldn't be very difficult to do that for her. (I just remembered that she @replied me the other day. Seriously fangirled.)

It is April which should mean that I am starting script frenzy but... I am not. Why? Because I am lazy. Well, normally that would be the case, but for once it is not. I am not working on my script because I am working out. Now I know I could do both, but come on. It's me we are talking about. I can't balance school, the internet, working out, AND writing a script. It's too much. Okay, fine. I am lazy. But when it comes down to it working out is better time spent. I am... lets go with fluffy. I am fluffy. I wish to have less fluff. Less fluff would be very nice. So that is what I am working on. I started a youtube page (which rarely update) about me getting ride of some fluff. I won't be sharing a link to that however because I am still freaked out about it. That is why I don't update it. Also, because I don't want to fail. Especially some place people can see. I just... I don't know. I feel like I will fail and I don't want to let the six people that have subscribed to me down.

Oh! Hey there.

So..uh..did you miss me?

I have been crazy busy with school. It's my last semester at the university I am currently attending. I am going to be a transfer student at the school that is a 10-15 minute drive from my house which means no more dorm rooms (Thank you, Mom and Dad!), a weekend job (money!), and being around my friends (I miss them when I'm down here). I won't have a major, which is, you know, bad, but I know I will be MUCH happier. This school is great it's just not my style. I was trying to find a school with a film major, but the search kinda failed.

I am going to be doing script frenzy next month and I'm VERY excited about it. I bought half a case of paper just for scripts. I have been growing fond of the script writing process. I always thought I was better at dialogue so writing scripts is PERFECT for me. And the paper is recycled (PLUS!). I need a story so I can map out what my script is going to be about.

Spring break is next week. Five days of class and then a glorious week of "freedom". I'm just going home and since my sister's spring break was this past week I might be the person driving her to and from class.